Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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