I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
