Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize