ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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