Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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