She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
