They should really pass out barf bags in church
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
