found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So vagazzling was a success
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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