on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
