Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
