Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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