god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
