I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
