At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
