i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
