I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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