why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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