rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
