The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
