Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize