I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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