you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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