Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
