Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
