If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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