eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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