Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
