why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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