So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
