I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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