His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
