Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize