im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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