My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
