If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
