i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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