I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
