i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
