3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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