think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
