he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
