I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
