operation have a gay friend backfired
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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