:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
