dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
