i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
