real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
