if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
