it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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