time to smoke my breakfast
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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