i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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