Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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