so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
