Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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