I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
