If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
