last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This house was built for laser tag.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
