Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
