My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
