New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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