Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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