what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
