Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize