when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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