The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
