We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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