that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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