you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
