Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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