How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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