Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize