I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
