let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
