You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
