and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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