if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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