i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
