Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
