look no pants
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
