I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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