Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
