Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
